Financial Abuse
Financial abuse is just one type of abuse that we see in Intimate relationships. It is one of the ways that perpetrators of violence can keep a hold over the one they want to control. Abuse is about control - it's about power and control. In financial abuse, they will move more and more into taking control over all the finances. It doesn't have to be through threats, but classically by manipulation.
Ways You Might Be Abused Through Your Finances
What can be done
This is one big way that abusers make it so difficult for someone being abused to get out of the relationship. There are limited financial resources to turn to if you need to leave in a hurry. Many times with financial accounts being tied together, it's difficult to safely pull together the financial resources needed to leave and take care of your financial needs like you might want to.
If you are being abused, don't go through this alone. Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline or a Domestic Violence Program in your area where you can talk to an advocate about how to leave as safely as possible.
If you have the ability to safely set aside money each week or month without creating further abuse, this is something that could be considered.
If you can safely do so, make a copy of your financial documents, checking and savings account numbers as well as any credit card numbers. Copy tax documents. If you can store these items with a trusted friend or family member where there is less of a risk for you.
One of the best things you can do is talk to a Domestic Violence Advocate with your local domestic violence program. They have experience in helping you to make decisions about how to safely prepare to leave a relationship or to have what you need should you feel you need to leave the relationship for safety reasons.
Managing finances is difficult for many survivors of abuse who have left an abusive partner. Working out all the details of managing financially can be overwhelming. Take it one step at a time.
Ways You Might Be Abused Through Your Finances
- Borrowing money or making charges without repaying it
- Claiming to make payments or pay bills in your name but not following through
- Confiscating your paycheck or other sources of income
- Criticizing and minimizing your job or choice of career
- Criticizing every financial decision you make
- Feeling entitled to your money or assets
- Demanding that you turn over your paycheck, passwords, and credit cards but refusing to share theirs
- Expecting you to pay for their bills or their obligations
- Forcing you to sign financial documents without explanation
- Harassing you at work by calling, texting or stopping by
- Hiding or taking funds and putting them in a private account
- Intercepting or opening your bank statements and other financial records
- Making large financial decisions without your input or consent
- Pressuring you to quit your job - sometimes even using children as an excuse
- Preventing you from working by hiding your keys, unhooking your car battery, taking your car without permission, or offering to babysit and then not showing up
- Reducing your freedom to plan or budget
- Refusing to collaborate on finances
- Requiring that large, joint purchases be in their name only (such as car loans, mortgages, cell phones or apartment leases)
- Requiring you to bail them out of difficult financial situations
- Ruining your credit history by running up limits and then not paying the bills
- Sabotaging your work responsibilities
- Taking money or using credit cards without permission
- Telling you where you can and cannot work
- Threatening to lie to officials and claim you are “cheating or misusing benefits”
- Trying to control your use of or access to money you have earned or saved
- Using offers to help with your budget or financial decisions as a cover for gaining control over your finances
- Using your assets for their personal benefit without asking
- Withholding money from you or requiring you to ask for money
What can be done
This is one big way that abusers make it so difficult for someone being abused to get out of the relationship. There are limited financial resources to turn to if you need to leave in a hurry. Many times with financial accounts being tied together, it's difficult to safely pull together the financial resources needed to leave and take care of your financial needs like you might want to.
If you are being abused, don't go through this alone. Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline or a Domestic Violence Program in your area where you can talk to an advocate about how to leave as safely as possible.
If you have the ability to safely set aside money each week or month without creating further abuse, this is something that could be considered.
If you can safely do so, make a copy of your financial documents, checking and savings account numbers as well as any credit card numbers. Copy tax documents. If you can store these items with a trusted friend or family member where there is less of a risk for you.
One of the best things you can do is talk to a Domestic Violence Advocate with your local domestic violence program. They have experience in helping you to make decisions about how to safely prepare to leave a relationship or to have what you need should you feel you need to leave the relationship for safety reasons.
Managing finances is difficult for many survivors of abuse who have left an abusive partner. Working out all the details of managing financially can be overwhelming. Take it one step at a time.