Domestic Violence happens in relationships without regard to age, gender, race, religion, or sexual orientation. Men may be victims of abuse, just as women are. In fact, the National Domestic Violence Hotline website reports that 1 in 7 men aged 18 and older have been the victims of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime. Ten (10) percent of men in the US have experienced rape, physical violence and/or stalking by a partner. In the UK, Mankind Initiative reports 38% of domestic abuse victims are men. The also report that male victims are twice as likely as women to not tell anyone about the partner abuse.
If you’re being abused, please seek help from a program that specializes in Domestic Violence recovery. In the US, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).
If you are thinking about leaving an abusive relationship, consider seeking help from a support program. Find a safe place such as a public computer to review a safety plan for leaving. Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline above to speak to an advocate about how to safely leave an abusive relationship.
Types of abuse seen within a relationship
There are several types of abuse that occur within a dating relationship and a partnership or marriage.
- Digital
- Emotional/Verbal
- Financial
- Physical
- Religious/Spiritual
- Sexual
- Stalking
Let’s break down each of these types of abuse with examples of behaviors that fall under them.
Digital Abuse
Digital abuse is more common than expected, and fairly equal in perpetration between men and women, with approximately 1 in 8 reporting being on the receiving end of digital abuse.
- Controlling the partner’s social media account(s), such as demanding passwords, determining who they can and cannot friend.
- Cyberstalking (stalking you, and contacting you by messages, apps, websites, and/or social media.
- Monitoring the partner’s behaviors and movements on and offline with technology.
- Publishing your private information online.
- Revenge porn/nonconsensual pornography.
- Requiring 24/7 access by phone and text to the partner.
- Sexting that isn’t agreed upon.
- Sexually harassing the partner online.
- Tagging pictures of you.
- Using smart technology in the home to control the partner and
Emotional/Verbal Abuse
Emotional and verbal abuse is most likely the most common form of abuse in a relationship, and the one that is least likely to be reported as well as the least likely to prove. Many survivors have shared the devastation of the words and looks of their partners continuing on for an extended period even after the relationship is over.
- Accusing you of cheating
- Attempting to control what you wear (make up, clothing, etc.)
- Blaming you for their abusive behaviors
- Cheating and blaming you for it
- Criticizing you
- Damaging your belongings
- Gaslighting
- Humiliating you
- Insulting you
- Isolating you from friends & family
- Monitoring your activities/Demanding to know where you re going
- Name calling
- Telling you you’ll never find anyone better than them
- Threatening you, your children or your pets
Financial Abuse
Many survivors don’t even consider that they are being abused financially or consider how many ways a partner can abuse them with their finances. See the different ways financial abuse can be perpetrated.
- Borrowing money or making charges without repaying it
- Claiming to make payments or pay bills in your name but not following through
- Confiscating your paycheck or other sources of income
- Criticizing and minimizing your job or choice of career
- Criticizing every financial decision you make
- Feeling entitled to your money or assets
- Demanding that you turn over your paycheck, passwords, and credit cards but refusing to share theirs
- Expecting you to pay for their bills or their obligations
- Forcing you to sign financial documents without explanation
- Harassing you at work by calling, texting or stopping by
- Hiding or taking funds and putting them in a private account
- Intercepting or opening your bank statements and other financial records
- Making large financial decisions without your input or consent
- Pressuring you to quit your job – sometimes even using children as an excuse
- Preventing you from working by hiding your keys, unhooking your car battery, taking your car without permission, or offering to babysit and then not showing up
- Reducing your freedom to plan or budget
- Refusing to collaborate on finances
- Requiring that large, joint purchases be in their name only (such as car loans, mortgages, cell phones or apartment leases)
- Requiring you to bail them out of difficult financial situations
- Ruining your credit history by running up limits and then not paying the bills
- Sabotaging your work responsibilities
- Taking money or using credit cards without permission
- Telling you where you can and cannot work
- Threatening to lie to officials and claim you are “cheating or misusing benefits”
- Trying to control your use of or access to money you have earned or saved
- Using offers to help with your budget or financial decisions as a cover for gaining control over your finances
- Using your assets for their personal benefit without asking
- Withholding money from you or requiring you to ask for money
Physical Abuse
- Hit, punch, kick, slap, pull your hair or other physical aggressive actions
- Prevent you from contacting emergency services
- Prevent you from sleeping or eating
- Use weapons or objects that could hurt you, against you
- Scratching
- Biting
- Throwing things
- Force feeding or denying you food
- Physically restraining you
- Reckless driving
Sexual Abuse
- Any unwanted physical touch (even in marriage)
- Forcing use or lack of use of contraception
- Forcing abortion
- Threatening to induce miscarriage through violence
- Touching even through clothing
- Forced kissing